room in my heart

I’ve really started to like this song recently. I heard it first on iTunes Radio (Electic>reallymusicradio). It’s a great song and if i could, i would listen to it on repeat, but i can’t, so i’ll just have to settle for listening to it when it plays on the radio.

I had an interview today. Ok it wasn’t really an interview. It was a volunteer position and they conduct interviews even though everyone who signs up gets the position. (Yeah i don’t get it either, but whatever). So this position is an usher position for this conference.

The student coordinator is a student at my college, he’s going to be a sophomore (i’m going to be a junior btw). He’s a pretty decent guy i think. Quite intelligent too because he mentioned something during the interview that was not something he might have read in a book or something. It sounded like he had that knowledge from experience. So that was pretty cool i guess. At least he’s not a mindless drone or whatever.

Anyway, the important part came after the interview actually. I met my friend and as i was talking to her about the interview, i had a number of realizations in my mind. It ws quite a strange thought process. I was thinking somethings and saying out the thoughts at the same time.

I realized that i do not want to be the chaser or initiator anymore, relationship-wise i mean. I would like to the chased, for once. So from now on, i will not be chasing anyone. I will not be thinking or imaginging situations with people i could possibly like. I am taking myself out of the game, so to speak.

This whole thing actually makes me pretty sad, because all this ‘not trying’ business goes against my fundamental beliefs/principles. But i don’t know what else to think/do. I don’t want to start liking a guy and then stop liking a guy. So it makes more sense to never start liking the guy in the first place.

It’s quite a mental conflict but i guess i’ll just follow my instincts in the end. I trust that they will lead me in the right direction.

In the mean time, i am getting really stressed/scared because of all the things that are happening in my life. I’ve got some tremendous responsibilities and i’m afraid of letting people down. SO i will do my best and work my hardest to make things run smoothly. Sigh…

On a side note, i miss you. I miss all of you. I hope our little plan work out.

Thanks for listening,

sourspicy: room in my heart – for you.