I have no idea what is wrong with me. Sigh. The truth is, it’s probably PMS. Which makes it even more shitty.

I’m sorry. I truly regret what i said today. I guess i didn’t really understand what was going on with you. I said too much. And i went too far.

I realize that i have been snappy the past few days/weeks. I think i am subconsciously testing you, testing our friendship. That is just so screwed up, even i don’t really get it. But let me try to explain.

I’m being rude/mean to get a reaction from you. But you never react the way i want. I don’t understand how or why you are so sacrificing all the time.

Why don’t you fight back for yourself? Why don’t you scold me back? Why don’t we have a big argument? Why does it always seem like i am the demanding, mean person and you are the kind, sacrificing, apologetic person?

It’s so strange that the very same thing i am telling you was told to me by someone else a while ago. I can’t believe my life is so full of circles.

I am coming to terms with the fact that you are you and i am me. I knew that before, but it never impacted me as much as now. I can’t be like you, and you can’t be like me. But it’s just so stressful to constantly have to censor ourselves in front of each other. We can still be completely different and coexist. I don’t think it’s impossible.

But the dynamics of the friendship are changing. We have to adjust to each other once again. I guess i’m on the way there.

On another note, I do not want to deny myself from anything or hide my feelings, but i have to clean up my act as well. the swearing has to stop because it’s too vulgar and crass. And i realize that the things i say influence others too much. When i swear, some how it draws other people to do so as well. I do not want that. So i will stop.

Thanks for listening,

sourspicy: i have no idea how to fix me – just a break will do.