It’s inevitable. No matter how strong you think you are, sooner or later, some silly little boy will come along to show you that you’re not. And they manage to do it so easily! Just a smile and a few words, said in general and not even to you! It makes me sad to think that I fall so easily.

I remember a happy time a few weeks ago when my friends were teasing me about a happy crush and I thought it might be more than that, I was hoping it would turn into something more than that soon. And it did, for me, and I tried to initiate some electronic conversation. But I don’t know, maybe i’m not as cool about this kinda thing as i thought i was. At first he was friendly enough. But i think after that, i came off as stalkerish and that probably turned him off.

I still had a sliver of hope though. I dunno, i’m optimistic like that sometimes. But today…sigh…today, I am faced with the reality, the opinion of a third person who thought I was “very brave” to have written  a message like the one i did.

Well, thanks, but that just scares me because I didn’t consider it “brave”; I was hoping for cool and casual. Unfortunately, I think the guy sees it from my friend’s point of view because there is no reply from him. And as she says, “my message was replyable but he chose not to reply.” And that I “probably shouldn’t try any more. It’s kinda weird.”

But I don’t know if i really should give up. All my life I’ve lived by the mantra of trying everything and not giving up when people discourage you. Just recently this very lesson was reinforced to me. So I’m kinda skeptical about giving up so easily.

Plus, I had such nice little hopes and dreams about this guy, it sucks to give them up so easily and so soon. I mean I just started liking him! And it sure as hell doesn’t help that I’m the only completely single one in my group. Everyone around me seems to have someone special to look to. I don’t want to be the lonely loser!

humph! and why can’t he respond? i’m not a stalker girl! arre this is so fucking bugging, i mean being advised to give him up… I don’t want to give him up! but i want him to respond! why why why won’t he respond!

I hate being a stupid girl who likes a stupid boy! Why can’t boys just be nice and ask me out…i mean boys who i think are nice…not those weird and arrogant ones! ugh! i’m such a bitch!

*deep breath* I just hope that soon I get some kind of sign, either to pursue this or to give it up. SOME SIGN! Hint hint to the universe!

Thanks for listening,

sourspicy: teenage angst – bleah!