I’m not caring, I’m not considerate, I’m not kind. I’m not sweet, I’m not good i’m not happy all the time. I’m not focussed, I’m not empathetic, I’m not forgiving. I’m not a good person, I’m not a good friend.
I don’t think before speaking, I don’t pause before i laugh, I don’t wait before i scowl. I don’t hesitate to lie, I don’t feel guilty at all. I’m not remorseful about anything. I don’t understand other people and i don’t even care to sometimes. I ask for your opinion but i don’t really hear it. I get that you’re speaking but i don’t really listen.
I’m not hurt by rejection or by hurtful comments. If i don’t agree with your opinion i will just disregard it rather than try to argue. I don’t like confrontation unless i know i can win.
I am selfish and i am greedy. I want a lot of things and to get them, almost anything is expendable. I do not like to be around people, but i can’t stand to be alone. I do not like to talk. But i am constantly interupting people when they are speaking.
I fight for my point of view all the time. I am much more narrow minded than i think and i am much more of a loser than people realize.
I look down upon people and am naturally mean a lot of the time. I appreciate only a few people - i would not be able to live without them.
But nothing is making me sad right now. Only anger, only rage. Why?
Sometimes the universe gives you ‘let-downs’. All you can do is get over them. “Get over them.”
For me let downs lead to a loss of respect. If someone lets me down, i will lose some respect for them.
When i was younger, a loss of respect was worse than a loss of love. I valued respect more than love because i felt that i had so little respect, even thought i was loved.
I think that has changed, but there are still slivers of that thought lingering in my mind. The feeling is not totally alien to me.
Some people let me down, and i have lost a little respect for them, but they will never know, so what does it matter right? My respect is not the most precious thing on earth. So get over it.
Like i said to my friend the other day, typing out all of this in a blog is just like whispering it to myself. No one hears it except for me.
Thanks for listening,
sourspicy: I don’t know what this is, but you got me good, like you knew you would - relax
